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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Computer nerds not allowed...

Computer nerds not allowed...

A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, "COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He enters and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind of nerdy. He then asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver explains to him that he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender serves him a beer and says, "OK, truck drivers aren't nerds."

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in wearing a pair of glasses with tape around the middle, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt that is at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that.

The bartender replied, "Don't worry. The computer nerds are in season because they are overpopulating Silicon Valley. You don't even need a license."

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads for the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the road. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, snatching up all of the computers. The scavengers are comprised of engineers, accountants and programmers - computer geeks. Each of them wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought computer nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," says the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em


Friday, April 29, 2011

Check out this great MSN video: Royal Wedding live stream on MSN

Check out this great MSN video: Royal Wedding live stream on MSN

Murphy's lesser known laws...



Murphy's lesser known laws...

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Monday, April 25, 2011

A lawyer married a woman who had been married ten times...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands...

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Lest we forget...

Lest we forget...
Today is not only Easter Monday, but Anzac Day too in New Zealand and Australia. Anzac Day is when we honour our dead from  all wars, their sacrifices for our democratic societies, and to remember our returned servicemen and women for their service to our nations as well.  Lest we forget!http://kiwiriverman.blogspot.com/


Friday, April 22, 2011

A global hunt is underway...

Rare earth ore, shown with a United States pen...Image via WikipediaA global hunt is underway... 

A global hunt is underway for the next oil.

This essential rare earth metal could soon replace 148 billion barrels of oil.

Countries around the planet are urgently spending billions to control as much of this "super-green" fuel as possible.

What is it? Its lithium.

Read more here: http://www.smauthority.com/report

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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The bride tells her husband...

The bride tells her husband ...

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the

prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,



Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Life before the computer...

Life Before the Computer

An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while! Log on was adding wood to a fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead!


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Lady Gaga's new single Judas outrages Catholic leaders...

Lady Gaga's new single Judas  outrages Catholic leaders...

The 25-year-old songstress - who released the track yesterday - sings that she is in love with Judas, the traitor who betrayed Jesus Christ. In the video, she reportedly portrays Mary Magdalene and actor Norman Reedus stars as Judas.

The eccentric singer - who is renowned for her headline-grabbing antics - has incurred the wrath of religious figures after releasing the track, which features blasphemous undertones.

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, told HollywoodLife.com that the American star is using shock tactics to progress her "boring" career.

"This is a stunt... Lady Gaga tries to continue to shock Catholics and Christians in general: she dresses as a nun... she swallows the rosary. She has now morphed into a caricature of herself," he told HollywoodLife.com. "She is trying to rip off Christian idolatry to shore up her talentless, mundane and boring performances."

The newly released single - which is taken from her second studio album Born This Way, includes such lyrics as I want to love you,/but something's pulling me away from you/Jesus is my virtue, and Judas is the demon I cling to....I'm just a holy fool,/ oh baby he's so cruel,/ but I'm still in love with Judas, baby.


Acknowledgements: http://stuff.co.nz/

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A return home could be a death sentence for Ugandan man...

Dianne Feinstein http://bioguide.congress.gov/...Image via Wikipedia

Unless we take action together today, a San Diego man named Joseph Bokombe will be deported to Uganda -- where he could be killed for being gay.
Uganda is one of the most dangerous places in the world to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Homosexuality is criminalized in the country, and legislators have previously pushed a “Kill the Gays” bill that would sentence LGBT people to life imprisonment or execution. 
Politicians and pastors alike have talked about the moral imperative of “eliminating” homosexuality from the country, and Ugandan newspapers have printed the faces of LGBT people on the covers of their pages, with the caption “Hang them” written underneath.
So why would the United States deport an openly gay man to Uganda, where he could be murdered because of his sexual orientation?
That’s exactly what’s happening in San Diego, where U.S. immigration officials could send Joseph back to Uganda any minute, where he could face violence, torture, or the prospect of being executed -- just because he is gay.
Joseph came to the United States five years ago from Uganda on a cultural exchange visa. He worked in the music industry, became active in a local church, and volunteered for area nonprofits, including Mental Health America of San Diego County.                 
According to friends, Joseph is deathly afraid to go back to Uganda, where he fears he will be targeted because of his sexual orientation.
“Joseph deserves to live freely, without fear of being beaten, tortured, or killed because he is gay,” said Hector Martinez, a local activist and friend of Joseph who started the petition on Change.org. “We need to come together as both LGBT people and straight allies to push for Joseph’s safety, and to allow him to stay with his friends and community here in the United States.”
Click the link below to send an urgent message to Rep. Davis, Sen. Boxer and Sen. Feinstein asking them to intervene now. Joseph’s life may depend on it.
Thanks for standing up for Joseph, before it’s too late.
Acknowledgements:- Eden and the Change.org team

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Monday, April 4, 2011

First soldier to receive special prosthetic arm...

Map of Afghanistan with flag.Image via Wikipedia
First soldier to receive special prosthetic arm...

Corporal Andrew Garthwaite demonstrates the special prosthetic arm he's had fitted after being injured by a rocket propelled grenade in Afghanistan.

Andrew is the first soldier injured in battle to benefit from the special limb.

He controls it by flexing his pectoral and back muscles together to perform different movements.

He says it's helped him get back to doing things he loves, like riding his motorbike and he's also hoping to rejoin the Army and get back to Afghanistan.

Video: www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/12941181

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Homophobia drives teen to suicide...

Gay Rumors Drove Teen to Suicide

A U.K. high school student jumped to his death off a six-story building last year after classmates spread a rumor that he had kissed a boy during a game of “spin the bottle” on a school trip, an inquest heard earlier this week.

Fifteen-year-old Dominic Crouch was reportedly happy when he returned from an art class trip with his classmates at St. Edwards School in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, in May of last year, the inquest heard, according to Metro.co.uk.

But four days later. Crouch gained access to the roof at a locked block of apartments nearby called Withyholt Court and jumped.

Paul Harvey, the school's current headmaster, told the inquest a supervisor on the trip, Lucy Evans, reported after his death that classmates had been playing “spin the bottle” on the trip and rumors had been spread that Crouch had kissed a boy, leading to rumors he was gay.

“Dominic was clearly upset about rumours that he believed were being spread about him,” Dominic’s father Roger Crouch told the inquest. “We need to realize that what may be a laugh to some young people are deeply upsetting to another.”

Gloucestershire's deputy coroner David Dooley has ruled the death a suicide


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Saturday, April 2, 2011

Your parrot is definately dead - here's the bill...

A Scarlet Macaw riding a small tricycle at an ...Image via WikipediaA woman arrived at the vet with her parrot lying claws-up at the bottom of the cage. The vet pronounced the bird dead. "Are you positive?" she cried. "Couldn't he have just fainted?"

The vet sighed, left the surgery and returned with a labrador. The dog stood on its hind legs, sniffed the parrot, turned to the vet and shook its head. The vet led it away and returned with a tabby cat, which leapt onto the table, looked at the parrot and shook its head.

"I'm afraid your parrot is definately dead," said the vet, handing her the bill.

"Four hundred dollars!" gasped the woman, "just to tell me my parrot is dead!"

"Well," he said, "if you'd accepted my opinion, it would have been $50.00. But with the lab report and the cat scan its $400.00."

Community Bloggers Evolve

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Auckland's arty party - White Night...

Viewers of the Jonas Burgert painting Second D...Image via Wikipedia   In Rome...

Auckland's arty party - 'White NIght'...

Since its birth in 2002, the all-night festival of contemporary art, 'White Night' has spread to cities including Rome, New York and Toronto.

Now NZ has its first 'White Night' as part of the Auckland Arts Festival. Galleries, museums, and other cultural institutions stay open until dawn, with installations, performances and music livening up public spaces. Stay up all night on March 12 or sample the smorgasbord of theatre, dance, music, film, and visual arts from March 2-20.

There'll be more culture than you can shake a stick at!


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Sign of the times...

dry^cleaningImage by rjs1322 via Flickr

Signs of the times...

#1 All dry-cleaners: "Satisfaction guaranteed, or your dirt back!"

#2 In a hair-salon window: "Curl up and dye."

#3 In a furniture shop: "Our beds are trained not to climb on your children. Please show the same courtesy."

#4 On a maternity ward door: "Push, push, push


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