One liners to get you laughing today...
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
The maths teacher confiscated a rubber band slingshot in her class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.
Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy woman who are interested in them? Try a bookstore under fiction.
I used to work with two guys named Alan Beatty and Neville Buist. The pair made a great "Beatty and the Buist".
Scientists say they have found the missing link - a little monkey. It lived on mostly twigs and berries, which makes it a direct ancestor of today's supermodel.
The anti-aging ad I'd like to see is a baby covered in cream saying,"Oh, I've used too much!"
I keep my office cold. Just because my dreams have died, that doesn't mean they shouldn't be well preserved.
"A good education is the next best thing to a pushy mother."
Lord, give me patience...and the time to recover.