Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What will William and Kate's children look like in years to come...

Hutt's Blogesphere - My thoughts today...: You will begin to heal yourself...

You will begin to heal yourself...

Monday, February 25, 2013

Keep laughing all day long...

Humour by joebangles

I know, Irish, catholic,.... Look, don't blame me, just change the nationality and religion to anything that you like and then pass it on, but, have a laugh.

----

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'

Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . . I'm telling everybody!'

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
'90?' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'

Senility

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards...
!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Glacier calving like you have never seen before...

http;//worldofcae.blogspot.com The Green Planet blog:

Glacier calving like you haven't seen before...

English: A chunk of ice calving off of Margerie Glacier. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Calving glacier at at Alaska (Photo credit:

Wikipedia)

Has this got anything to do with climate change? Some people would say it definately has. I wonder?

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10152529958215416

Wassup: Friday Funnies #52 The big bang theory and more...

Archie's TV Funnies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

List of The Big Bang Theory episodes (season 1) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Funnies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

http://wassupblog.com/friday-funnies-52-big-bang-theory-and-more/

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Dan Brown's " Inferno" his latest work...

Cover of The Lost Symbol (Robert Langdon, No. 3)

Cover of The Da Vinci Code

DAN BROWN’S NEW NOVEL, INFERNO, TO BE PUBLISHED BY DOUBLEDAY ON MAY 14th

New York, NY (January 15, 2013)— Dan Brown, author of the #1 international blockbusters The Lost Symbol and The Da Vinci Code, recently completed work on a new novel, Inferno, that will be published by Doubleday in the U.S. and Canada on May 14^th. The announcement was made today by Sonny Mehta, Chairman and Editor in Chief of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Inferno, featuring the return of renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon, is set in Italy and centers on one of history’s most enduring and mysterious literary masterpieces, Dante’s Inferno. The book will have a first printing of four million copies. It will be published simultaneously in the U.S. and Canada and also be available as a Random House Audio and ebook.
“Although I studied Dante’s Inferno as a student, it wasn’t until recently, while researching in Florence, that I came to appreciate the enduring influence of Dante’s work on the modern world,” said Brown. “With this new novel, I am excited to take readers on a journey deep into this mysterious realm…a landscape of codes, symbols, and more than a few secret passageways.”
“Dan Brown is a masterful storyteller” said Mehta, “his ability to fuse codes with well-researched history has helped to make his novels some of the most popular works of all time. With Inferno, Dan has taken a literary classic and animated it in a way that only he can.”
Brown’s longtime editor, Jason Kaufman, Vice President and Executive Editor at Doubleday said, “When we turn the first page of a new Dan Brown novel, we step into a world that seamlessly infuses fascinating history, art, symbols and puzzles. This is Dan’s unique ability. In Inferno, we have the added excitement of following Robert Langdon back to the heart of Europe, where he becomes entwined in a mystery that has global ramifications…tied to the ominous and truly mesmerizing details of Dante’s masterful work.”
The Da Vinci Code, published by Doubleday on March 18, 2003, spent 144 weeks on The New York Times Hardcover Fiction bestseller list, 54 of them at #1—the position at which it debuted. The novel has been translated into 51 languages. The Da Vinci Code is the bestselling adult hardcover of all time with 81 million copies in print worldwide. It is also one of the top ten most read books in the world along with The Bible, Harry Potter and Gone with the Wind.
The Lost Symbol was a #1 international bestseller with 30 million copies in print worldwide. It was translated in into 48 languages.
Following the publication of The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown’s earlier novels, Digital Fortress, Deception Point and Angels and Demons have all gone on to become multi-million copy international bestsellers.
Inferno will be published in the U.K. on May 14^th by Transworld Publishers, a division of The Random House Group who has published all of Brown’s novels.
Dan Brown is represented by Heide Lange at Sanford J. Greenburger Associates, Inc.
Doubleday is an imprint of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc. whose parent company is Bertelsmann SE & Co. KGAaA. For more information about Doubleday please visit our website at http://www.doubleday.com. For more information about Dan Brown please visit www.danbrown.com.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A Duck joke...

Ducks (Photo credit: schoey)

A Duck Joke. ( humour )

by joebangles

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,
"You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working,"replies the duck.

"And you can talk!"
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road,"
Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card..

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus," Says the barman.

"The circus?" Repeats the duck.

"That's right," Replies the barman.

"The circus?" The duck asks again. With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .......
> .

> ..

> ..

> ..

> ..

"What the f*ck would they want with a plasterer??!"

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

America accuses the Chinese Army of hacking American websites...

America accuses the Chinese Army of hacking American websites. China accuses America of hacking their websites. He said. She said. They said!

http://communitybloggersevolve.blog.co.uk/2013/02/20/america-accuses-chinese-army-of-hacking-american-websites-15549721/

Sudden transitions: Kittie99

Summer Storms »

Sudden transitions

by Kittie99

I know that's how death may come;
Suddenly flying into another orbit
when you are photographing soft flowers.
It's not a gentle transition.
No-one will know where you've gone.
One step wrong and you're.
off the high wire
And plunging into the no safety net.
Flying for a while;
Jumping into hyperspace,spinning electrons
Startle your grey eyes.
Transiting the new black sun
You're on a double gold helix,
Spider on your web,
Knitting furiously
Into the future heaven on gossamer wings.
Butterfly goodbye,I'm off to see the stars.
And the black holes.Noone will come with me.
I'm shaking off,evaporating into mist.
I'm a flying saucer on a circus mission.
I can't say no to a new invitation.
Make it fast and break with tradition.
Time is passing smoothly till that break
In the music,I've been transmuted into a different key
someone else will play me on their violin
I'm a tune,
I'm a thought,
I'm a whisper in your vision.
Goodbye,darling.I'm under orders
Ready to leave for my performance
On the electric carpet.
Death dancing to a tune on a violoncello,
Arpeggionne sonata
I'm playing your words upside down
In a new foreign translation,
Accompanied by solo artists,ice cracking
I'm going in.It's too sudden.
I'm flying.
Spinning faster to amuse the clowns,
too many ups and no downs.
I'm going right out of orbit
I've broken the pull of gravity,
And fly with pure equanimity
Into my future life,
I'm off at some moment,
An instant ,a crack,a loud smack.
That was me passing.

Some interesting barcode facts...

If the first 3 digits of the barcode are 690 691 or 692, the product is MADE IN CHINA.

471 is Made in Taiwan .

This is our right to know, but the government and related departments never educate the public, therefore, we have to RESCUE ourselves.

Nowadays, Chinese businessmen know that consumers do not prefer products "MADE IN CHINA ", so they don't show from which country it is made.

However, you may now refer to the barcode - remember if the first 3 digits are:

690-692 ... Then it is MADE IN CHINA
00 - 09 ... USA & CANADA
30 - 37 FRANCE
40 - 44 GERMANY
471 .... Taiwan
49 ... JAPAN
50 ... UK

BUY 'BRITISH' by watching for "50" at the beginning of the number.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Gay couple ejected from Nelson bar for a dance floor kiss...

Picture of a Norwegian doorman outside Sportsbaren, Oslo, Norway. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Expand

Photo / File / Thinkstock

A gay couple were kicked out of a Nelson nightclub after they shared a kiss on the dance floor.
The two men, who did not want to be identified, were at Malbas Bar on Saturday night when a bouncer told them to leave.
Their friend Letizia Beyer-Rieger says they were shocked when approached by security staff.
"We were having a dance, doing our own thing, then one of them kissed the other. As soon as that happened the bouncer came over, went nuts and said 'sorry you're not welcome here, you have to leave'. When we got to the door we asked why we were getting kicked out and he told us "Malbas isn't a gay bar, go find somewhere else".
Bar general manager Anja Nicholson apologised for the incident on the bar's Facebook page but was unable to be contacted today.
"I would like to extend my sincere apology to both people who were removed last night in this incident. And to all those who were offended by this,'' she wrote.
"When I heard of this, I was quick to talk to the bouncer involved and of course allowed the guy back in. The opinions and views of any of the staff are not in direct relation to the opinions and views of our establishment, please do not allow this to taint your opinion of Malbas itself.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10866174