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So whilst some of these arn't exactly partiotic towards the Aussie mother land, they are slightly amusing.
Funny Australian Jokes #1
An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"
Funny Australian Jokes #2
Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, was a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red handprint on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Kiwi thinks: The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Australian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.
Funny Australian Jokes #3
A bushwalker gets lost and ends up spending a few days wandering around in the harsh Australian bush looking for food.
Finally, he catches a numbat, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.
A park ranger stumbles onto the scene, finds the hiker eating the numbat, and arrests him for killing an endangered species.
In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice.
"Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge.
"But I have to ask - what did the numbat taste like?"
"Well, your honour," the hiker says, "it tasted like a cross between a quoll and a Tasmanian Devil."
Funny Australian Jokes #4
Q: What do blondes and Tooheys beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Funny Australian Jokes #5
There were 3 aussies and one New Zealander in a bar. The aussies decide that it would be funny to piss the New Zealander off."Ok, ok."Said the first one, "I know how to do it." He goes up to the NZer and says "Your Johana Lomu's a gay prick." The guy just shruggs and says "Ok." The next aussie goes up to him and says "your Johana Lomu's a transexual." again the kiwi doesnt seam to mind. the last guy goes up to him and says "Your Johna Lomu's an australian." The kiwi smiles. "I know, thats what your other friends have been trying to tell me."
Hope you got a laugh out of these ones...more to come soon!!
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